Loch Ness Marathon: 15 weeks to go, Part 2 (the recap)

My training plan this week was a bit of a mess, thanks to me. I was supposed to run the (formerly Scotia) Vancouver Half Marathon on Sunday June 26th. Due to all the things getting in the way of consistent running since my May 1st Half Marathon, I decided to not race/run 21.1km this Sunday. My training plan called for “Race Week” runs and prep, but I also have a hard time letting go of my structured training runs I didn’t get to last week so I sort of piled it all into this week, hesitant to see what my coach Lindsay would say about it all… what is that proverb? Act first, ask for forgiveness later? Hmmm now that I type it out, that proverb sounds highly problematic. Anyways, spoiler, I didn’t get it all done, which is a good thing seeing as it was too much anyways!

Here is how it rolled out:

Monday: skipped/missed planned run, rested, laundry, worked for about 10h (4h of clients, 6h of administrative tasks)

Tuesday: Run (40min easy, with Kristy!), Strength/Physio & an iron infusion & a half work day… then couch bound all afternoon and evening hopped up on Benadryl

Wednesday: Attempted November Project, lasted 35min then went home. The body said no. Worked all day then rallied to meet Stacie for a 25min “easy” paced run at Elk Lake. Temperatures were surprisingly good and we saw 2 bunnies but body still feeling sluggish and slow

Thursday: This was mostly an easy run with 4 x 60sec push intervals… 60 seconds felt like FOREVER and my legs didn’t want to work after the intervals but we made it out and back & enjoyed a gorgeous quiet waterfront trail. The house I parked in front of is apparently for sale… and we looked it up later, 3 million for the unfinished condo with waterfront views! 3 mil!

Friday: No run, focus on strength/physio… and a lot of puttering around the house avoiding the computer work/administrative work that REALLY needs to be done before Monday

Saturday: LONG RUN: 2 hours (14k) – projected to be the hottest day of the summer/hottest day of the year so far. ZERO clouds (which is amazing after what feels like 6-10 months of clouds but not so ideal for running) … so the plan was a 730am run start, which meant 630am up, quick breakfast and coffee and digest…. And GO! The run didn’t feel great or terrible. Felt like a huge win completing it and was a super fun route! The company was excellent (thank you Stacie!) Post run I sat in a cool bath for about an hour & then had quick naps between drinks with friends – a festive Saturday for sure!

Sunday: REST – another hot day, wishing I had an air conditioner or at least a decent fan or two but happy to have a day off from my training plan, and satisfied that I completed my long run first thing Saturday morning. I enjoyed a sleep in and didn’t actually leave the house all day. Slow morning reading a fiction book on my balcony and then some light house chores and… work. Managed around 4-5 hours of working on client emails, scholarship letters that had been requested, payment processing and writing my website. I barely made a dent… but I did make a dent (hello all-or-nothing thinking, thank-you cognitive distortions!) Sometimes I worry that clients think that I live some dream life only working Mondays to Thursdays (when I see clients) but the reality of the last … year? of running my own (busy!) business is that there is a lot that I work on outside of paid client sessions. Particularly with being tasked with writing the actual web pages currently and the bizarre timing of many clients needing scholarship support letters and documentation for university accommodations for their mental health all ASAP… so I have been tackling that on top of the usual administrative tasks outside of sessions: billing, invoicing, session notes, client questions via email etc.

My overall takeaway from the week came from the strength/physio work I was doing on Friday morning: working on our weaknesses doesn’t feel good.

There is so much hype in this world about learning and growth, and while those things are indeed awesome, what gets glossed over is how painful and not good it feels when we really focus on the things we aren’t as good at – building skills and developing more strength (be that physical, mental or emotional) is often a difficult process. In DBT, one of the skills is called Mastery – we can either “build Mastery” – learn something new and work at getting better and better at it, until we have “mastered” it OR we can practice mastery by doing something we are already good at – maybe we are really good at doing dishes or reading or knitting or puzzles or playing an instrument we are skilled at. Doing something we know we are good at, makes us feel awesome. So many things in life are hard, so when we do something we know we are good at, it’s a refreshing break from the hard stuff. Alternatively, when we work on building mastery – ie. Doing something new or something we aren’t inherently good or skilled at, it can be a really tough process. I mean, doing something we are bad at doesn’t exactly make anyone feel awesome. And yet, both types of mastery are important skills to work on. Showing up for ourselves, for things that matter to us is a really beautiful and powerful thing. If we dream of being an amazing musician, a first step might be learning to play an instrument or singing lessons – which likely, a person is not inherently skilled at the first time they touch a piano or pick up a guitar or drum sticks or try to hit a particular note. And yet, if we keep showing up and WHY we are showing up is linked to a bigger dream or goal or want we have, it can be a powerful way we can show up for ourselves and demonstrate to ourselves that our wants, needs and dreams matter because we are prioritizing doing things we aren’t good at (yet).

And so, there I was on Friday, being REALLY bad at the VERY beginner/basic physio exercises I was working on (the most basic of what I know has many progressions), I was simultaneously thinking, “yes, this is exactly what I need to work on and I am so proud of myself for showing up” and thinking “wow, I am terrible at this, it’s sort of embarrassing how bad I am at this and I want to quit.” I know I won’t quit. I want to work on my weaknesses so I can better enjoy hiking and running and feel all around more capable (and less likely to get injured) as I continue to plan fun outdoor adventures and train for this not-so-little thing called a Marathon. And also, the ego takes a bit of a hit doing things I am bad at…. And also, I am SO well aware that the only way to get better is by continuing to show up and try. And bit by bit, I work on trusting (a verb, an active process) that I will get better at it and it won’t always be this hard. And also, right now, it continues to be a leap of faith that it will get better and won’t always be this hard. Tapping into self-trust again and again is yet another skill that requires practice. And I will continue to practice it by showing up and by being as kind to myself as I can while I work on things I am rather terrible at.

…. And with that, ANOTHER WEEK CLOSER to LOCH NESS (just passed the 100 days to go mark!)