Looking backwards, Looking forwards

2022.

The world these last few years has been experiencing massive anxiety and panic. It’s impossible to not feel that or be impacted by it. 2022 however, seemed to be a year of finding a new normal, one with a bit more stability than the constant on again, off again shut downs of COVID variants that dominated 2020 and 2021.

In 2022, I finally got on a plane – back to London, the last place outside of BC I have been since COVID hit. Arriving in London I felt exceptionally happy. I walked around, soaking in the familiar streets and took in some half-priced day of musicals. Pure bliss. An exceptionally big milestone for me in 2022 was officially hitting 1 year of full-time self-employment... and returning to the Marathon race distance.

One of my big projects (and expenses) this year was embarking on branding and website creation with a company called Lumo, a female duo based out of Australia. It was a lot of work and also very fun having them really understand me and create something that so well reflects me. The final result is this website: www.monicafreudenreich.com (which also hosts this blog)

--

December 2022

Time is a funny thing. As a kid, the countdown between eating the first chocolate in my advent calendar and Christmas Eve felt like years apart. As an adult, I have missed more than one advent calendar chocolates with my breakfast – mornings being more of a hustle than I would like them to be often. Anyone else feel like they blink after Halloween and suddenly its Christmas and New Years? There is of course a credible neurological reason for why time speeds up as we age but also, all the additional “adult” responsibilities that pile up over the holidays - setting up the tree, shopping for gifts, cooking the dinner, and planning visits, Christmas tends to feel more like a sprint to the finish line than a lengthy wait for Santa these days.

So, I reached the end of 2022 exhausted AND really proud of myself for completing my first full year of working for myself (and for travelling again!). AND also really proud of myself for doing my best to get back into the world of dating, again. I spent the end of 2022 in an adorable 1 room AirBnB with my partner on Hornby Island, reading, going for walks, and watching movies. I also had a lot of naps. Coming out of the pandemic & the burnout from building a business while working full time has resulted in wildly high fatigue. I need SO much sleep these days.

Some reflections I had in December that still ring true now, May 2, 2022:

Thanks to 2022…

I am ready to learn more about: How to more deeply integrate Internal Family Systems (IFS) into my talk therapy with clients

I feel more grateful for: the flexibility that working for myself affords, allowing me to rest more when I need more rest, and shift my working hours outside of a rigid 830-430 Monday to Friday. I also feel more grateful for family and friends, particularly friends who I may not be able to connect with very often in daily life but who love and support me from afar.

I know that I want to spend more time on: Reading, slow mornings, attending live music and theatre, long-distance phone calls with friends, in-person time with friends that live outside of BC

How does Incoming You most want to feel over the next year? What might help with that?:

Increasingly, what I want to continue to practice and feel over the next year is trusting in the truth that “I do not need to judge what's possible in the long term based on how I feel in any given moment. I do not need to make a season of low capacity “mean” anything about what might happen next.” What might help with that? Practice and practice and practice some more. Tossing out goals when the goals feel impossible or not in my best interest (like the goal I had to pay off my student loan by the end of 2022… ultimately working less, taking more time off was better for my wellbeing than a zero balance on a loan that isn’t even accumulating interest). What will also help is trying to be a good friend to myself along the way, each and every day.

& one of my favourite annual traditions, word of the year.

My word of the year looking back at 2022 was: Listen

Listening to what I need mentally, emotionally and physically, and doing my best to respond to and attend to those needs, despite the outward and inward pressures to prioritize work, finances, family members etc.

My word(s) for 2023: Joy & Freedom

Joy – experiencing joy in both rest and adventure

Freedom- freedom from urgency around hustling in areas of my life that are not where I want them to be yet.

Now that we are already 1/3 of the way through 2023, it is interesting to reflect on these intentions set 4 months ago.

Life has changed. I am single, again. I FINALLY paid off my student loans last month… then got hit with some massive CRA bills (both 2022 taxes and 2023 tax instalments). So, not quite there with financial relief. Still paying off my car loan BUT, I have been pushing back against my sense of urgency to work more and more and more to obtain more financial ease and freedom. I work lots, budget, have clear financial goals and continue to tell myself I will be ok (even if I dont always believe that about finances unless I am working 24/7). I have read more books (& lots of fun rom coms!) in 2023, completing more books already this year than all of 2022. I am getting stronger (45sec side plank!), I completed a puzzle, and I didn’t work a single weekend in April (more rest! Less hustle!). I AM resting more. And I am genuinely excited for some adventures and quality time with friends over the next 2 weeks.

Last night I ate sushi on the beach with some amazing collogues who also work in eating disorders and it was great to laugh and share and share our frustrations with the health care system and diet culture – to feel less alone in that battle.

I still have not set any specific or “SMART” goals, I am working on (and sometimes stumbling) through some daily habits to floss, make the bed, meditate, journal, etc. I am inconsistently finding my way back into the sport of running and playing around with different forms of movement. I am looking forward to some mini retreats with 2 of my most favourite humans where we can sleep, eat, and talk about the bigger deeper life questions next week. Who knows, maybe I will have some concrete goals out of those chats, or maybe not. What matters most to be is getting to connect with my most favourite humans0- friends that make me feel SO loved, seen and valued. I know time with them will leave me feeling more grounded in the here, now and more confident in keeping on with what’s already working (and staying true to what feels best and is best for my wellbeing).